In Your Head
by marshmellowcheese
Summary: Jack struggles with haunting nightmares and has to decide whether she will suffer alone or reach out for friendship. Mirandas pride continues to hurt others. Shepard tries to be there for both of them.
1. Nightmares

Nightmares

The ships heavy creaks and moans soothed Jack as she lay in her dark room. She had just awoken from some violent dreams and her heart still pounded. Her room was cold and unwelcoming so not many people came down and if they did she could hear them loud and clear. Since blowing up the shit hole facility on Pragia, Jack felt even more empty than usual. It left her with more room in her head to swim through awful memories. She didn't have anything related to Cerberus to obsess over and distract herself. She already pissed Miranda off.

'Miranda...fuck her.' Jack quickly moved from her cot and started doing push ups on the ground to focus her energy elsewhere. She continued till she became exhausted then lay back down.

"Fuck this ship" Jack muttered with sadness laced in.

Shepard would probably come by again soon to check in with her but Jack would harden quickly and force Shepard away. Jack liked Shepard, she just didn't want to like her too much because she would likely screw her one of these days.

'Nobody just wants friendship.' She thinks coldly, images of people who had betrayed her flickering through her head. Jack didn't even know what to make of Shepards kindness most of the time so she'd call her a pussy. Shepard would just smile and sit with her quietly when they got to that point. Company felt nice though and Jack found that she was incredibly disappointed if Shepard missed a day coming down to visit. She rarely missed a day. Jack tended to get meaner if Shepard missed a day. Something the commander may have picked up on after the few complaints from the other engineer deck occupants. Jack heard the familiar steps on the stairs and felt the faintest feeling of excitement. 'Weird' she thought.

Shepard came into the room striding confidently over to Jack. Jack admired the commanders strength and stoic way and would be surprised when Shepard showed softness towards her. Shepard found a comfortable place and sat across from Jacks cot

"Hey" Shepard spoke softly. Jack glanced over at Shepards kind face and felt a small smile appear.

"Hey" Jack returned. Shepard noticed the smile and felt like she had made good progress.

"How are you Jack" Shepard asked leaning forward attentively.

Jack sighed, still deciding if this was going to be a day to share or not. Shepard waited patiently in the silent dim room for any response. Jack was feeling frustrated with her lack of sleep so she decided to share. "Can't sleep lately." Jack mumbled out. "Nightmares have gotten worse again"

Shepard watched Jack tense her body, relax and tense again. She knew there was a lot going through the biotics mind.

"Do you want to tell me about any of them?" Shepard asked tentatively. She knew she had to be gentle and only open doors for Jack. Never try to get her to walk through any.

Jack clenched her fists, trying not to lash out at Shepard. She took deep breaths to steady her emotions. Shepard watched her fight her anger and felt proud.

"It's too hard Shep" Jack breathed out defeated. "I mean its one thing to have them fuck with me all night but to willing choose to relive them?" Jack paused not knowing how to continue and nervously ran her hand over her face.

Shepard thought for a moment before answering. "Look Jack, I've seen some disturbing stuff in my travels and I'm sure it doesn't even begin to compare to what you've gone through but I know it helped when I talked about it to friends who cared." Shepard paused and Jack met her eyes anxiously. "And I care" Shepard added making sure to keep Jacks eyes to show her sincerity.

Jack tore her eyes away feeling tears come up. She sat up quickly bringing her knees up defensively. Panic settled deep in her chest at the thought of falling apart. Shepard moved closer to her kneeling in front of her cot.

"Hey" she whispered placing a comforting hand on Jacks knee. "It's okay. You don't have to do anything. I just wanted to let you know I'm here." Shepard spoke softly feeling her chest clench at Jacks distress. She could see Jack was extremely conflicted and wanted to help. "I won't abandon you" Shepard added and watched Jack take a deep breath.

Jack felt like her mind was on overload but she managed to get a hold of herself. She didn't want to appear weak. "Thanks, I'll pass for now" Jack tried to bite out but it came out a little more helpless then she wanted. "I'm done talking" Shepard sighed as Jack pulled away getting Shepard to take her hand off. Shepard stood up and moved away a few steps.

"You can tell EDI to get me if you have trouble sleeping" Shepard suggested as Jack laid down facing away. Shepard felt slightly defeated as she started walking away until she heard a faint. "Thanks Shep"

Jack listened to the steps fade as she curled into a tight ball. Jack sometimes doubted Shepard caring about her but she found sincerity in her eyes today. It was nice. Jack scoffed. "Fucking never had anything or anyone nice in my life." Jack really only put up with most of the crew because of Shepard. Well and Miranda but she was just fucking confusing. Jack rolled her eyes thinking of the other biotic. She wanted to hate her but she had other feelings around her. Other feelings that made her more pissed off because she didn't know what to do with them.

"Fucking cheerleader" Jack grumbled. She thought of the few, almost decent conversation they had before they had that fight.

She had called her a mistake.

Jack felt a stab at her heart because most days she felt like a monster. Something that got out of hand. Something no one wanted. A mistake.

Jack thought Miranda might have understood but she hurt her instead. Thankfully Shepard had defended her, pissing off Cheerleader which was a bonus for Jack.

Jack still couldn't get Miranda out of her thoughts. "Fuck" Jack snapped punching the wall.


	2. Guilt

Guilt

Miranda sat in her office, staring out the window deep in thought. She didn't know what was wrong with her. She hardly has ever let her emotions get in the way of her decisions and lately she'd been falling apart. First with her sister in danger, then Nicket betraying her, thankfully Shepard had been there to stop her from shooting him.

And there was Jack.

Most distracting creature she had ever met.

Shepard had come by often to try to discuss the fight that had happened between Jack and her. Miranda would shut her down quickly. She sighed thinking of the commander and leaned her head further back on the couch. She wasn't really mad at her. She was just embarrassed about her own behavior so pretending to feel betrayed seemed the most logical. She also wasn't sure if she would be able to hide the truth from Shepard.

That she cared for Jack.

Miranda had tried several times to go down and apologize to Jack but she would find herself at the top of the stairs looking blankly down. What could she say? And what if Jack only rejected her like she did her? She would usually end up pacing around like a fool before huffing and storming back to the elevator. Surely Tali was beginning to find it strange that Miranda needed "walks" so often around the engineering floor. However, the Quarian found it easier to not ask too many questions about human relationships.

Miranda leaned her head forward into her palms. She was such a coward. What she said was awful and there was no way to take it back. She couldn't take looking at Jacks hurt eyes again.

She had seen the hurt.

It killed Miranda.

It killed her that she caused it. She didn't think, she just reacted to Jacks rage. All because she couldn't admit that Cerberus was wrong, that she was wrong. She was such a prideful idiot some days.

Miranda looked longingly over at a desk drawer that offered a night of forget. She checked the time deciding that no one would likely come by at this hour. She felt enough guilt for one day, tonight she would forget with the help of an old friend.


	3. Comfort

Comfort

Shepard lay in bed thinking about the day. She had much to consider for the mission and yet she couldn't concentrate if her crew was struggling. "Stubborn biotics" She muttered knowing that she'd have to keep working at them both. Shepard felt protective of Jack and sympathetic towards Miranda but she knew she couldn't get too involved. It was theirs to sort out. Just as Shepard decided to close her eyes and get some sleep, EDI came online.

"Commander, Jack is at your door and has threatened to 'hurt me' if I do not let her in." Shepard sat up in bed and couldn't help but chuckle. Shepard wondered how Jack intended to hurt EDI but left it alone.

"Thank you EDI send her in" Shepard could almost hear EDI sigh as the door opened and Jack entered the room. Jack walked into Shepards cabin her usual strut not in place and head lowered.

"Hey Jack come on in" Shepard welcomed nodding Jack over who came over and sat down on the edge of Shepards bed.

"You said I could call and I know it's not calling…. I just…" Jack faltered fidgeting with her pants and avoiding eye contact.

"I'm glad you came up" Shepard smiled warmly trying to find Jacks eyes. Jack met them shyly and blushed. She felt like an idiot but wasn't feeling as awful as she was minutes ago.

"You can come here and prop yourself up with some pillows if you want." Shepard invited not asking right away about the nightmares. Jack looked hesitantly at Shepard then at the space.

"I'm not after anything Jack. I promise" Shepard added to quiet Jacks fears. Jack nodded crawling beside Shepard.

"Better not try anything funny or I'll fuck you up." Jack threatened playfully. Shepard laughed happily.

"I'm sure you would" Shepard agreed reclining further into her pillow but trying not to get too comfortable so she wouldn't nod off. Jack released a deep breath once she was settled on the bed finding that she felt pretty comfortable with Shepard after all. They stayed in silence for a while and Shepard began to wonder if Jack had fallen asleep.

"The guards use to come into my cell at night and mess with me, see how much pain I would take." Jack started quietly. Shepard could already feel her blood boil but stayed calm and knew she had to be there for Jack. "One of them just liked to come in and beat me for no reason sometimes, maybe to get his kicks." Jacks voice shook a bit then she scoffed. "He was sick, like to make me beg, do other things for him you know. If I fought he would just make it worse for me." Shepard clenched her fists. "I felt so good when I killed that fucker. I hunted him down before I escaped and he pissed himself when I found him. He knew I wasn't a weak girl anymore. I tortured him for a couple of minutes first. Nothing compared to what he use to do to me though." Jack laughed bitterly. "And he had the sweet release of death. I still get to see him at night. Sometimes I'm still a kid but most of the time I'm not and I just feel like one." Jacks laughs turned to sobs and Shepard moved towards her.

"Hey Jack, come here. I gotcha." Sheppard murmured pulling a sobbing Jack into her embrace. Jack curled tightly into her chest muffling her sobs. "That should never have happened to you it was wrong" Shepard told her.

"Fuck it all" Jack cried hitting her fist against Shepard.

"You are so brave and strong Jack, especially for telling me." Jack continued to sniffle curses.

"I just want it to stop. It makes me feel like that helpless little girl again." Jack whimpered. Shepard hugged her a little tighter.

"You can stay the night Jack in fact I think you might feel better if you do." Jack nodded feeling sleepy in Shepards arms. Shepard tucked the blankets around Jack with her clinging tightly to her still. Shepard knew she had to do the next morning to help her friend. "Night Jack" Shepard whispered turning off the lamp.

"Night Shepard" Jack murmured.


	4. Exposed

Exposed

Reaching out blindly for her glass of water Miranda felt like her head was exploding as she tried to open her eyes.

'May have overdone it' She thinks sarcastically.

Miranda finally cracked an eye open to check the time. "Shit" she curses realizing it was after breakfast and she probably looked less than professional. Before she could get fully out of bed her door opens and Commander Shepard comes strolling in. "Damn it EDI, I said to keep the door locked." Miranda moans covering her face with her hands.

"Commander Shepard is the head of the ship Miss Lawson." EDI replies curtly. Miranda huffs indignantly and glances up at Shepard who has her arms crossed and eye brows raised.

"Rough night?" Shepard questions. Miranda just shoots her a dirty look in response.

Shepard senses the mood but decides to cut to the chase."Miranda I'm not going to let you brush me off this time. We are talking about this." Shepard states firmly. Miranda cringes at her words.

"Must you speak so loud" She mutters holding her head. Miranda didn't even care that she was still half-naked. She just needed something for her headache.

"Here take these with some water." Shepard suggested throwing a bottle of pills at the biotic who fumbled the bottle. Shepard chuckled as Miranda hurriedly swallowed some pills. "Looks like you did yourself in"

"Please Shepard. I know I look ridiculous. Just say what you came here to say." Miranda snapped grabbing a house coat to feel less vulnerable.

Shepard frowned at Miranda's instant defensive nature. She had only meant it playfully. "I wasn't making fun of you." Shepard started. Miranda just looked over from the opposite wall and raised her eyebrows at her disbelieving. Shepard shook her head and decided just to move on. "Look about the other day, I wish you wouldn't hold it against me for defending Jack. She needed my support that day. It was a really difficult day for her and you really hurt her with your words"

Miranda glared hard at Shepard wanting to slap her. "What about me? You didn't think I needed support?" Miranda retorted with venom.

Shepard breathed out frustration. "I do support you. I just thought you could handle yourself a little better than Jack could that day. I'm sorry if I hurt you, I care about you Miranda but I don't see why you're as upset as you are. I think you and Jack can work it out." Shepard finished keeping her tone soft.

'But they couldn't work it out' Miranda thought bitterly crossing her arms tightly across her aching chest. Miranda felt a lump in her throat suddenly. Oh god. She didn't know what to do.

Shepard came closer till she could rest her hands on Miranda's arms. "What's wrong" Shepard asked finding Miranda's eyes.

Miranda broke under Shepard's gentle stare. She covered her face crying. "Oh God Shepard, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt her. I didn't mean to say any of those things." Shepard rubbed her back soothingly as Miranda leaned her head into her shoulder.

"Why don't you talk to her." Shepard asked feeling like she already knew why.

"I can't she won't forgive me. I've screwed it all up. She just gets me so emotional and I say stupid things." Miranda sobs shaking her head. Shepard sighs deeply and hugs her before pulling away to look at her face.

"I don't think drinking the pain away it going to help Miranda." Shepard spoke honestly. Miranda looked down ashamed but Shepard tilted her head back up wiping some tears off in the process. "I don't judge you." Miranda nodded thankfully. "I think you both need each other more than you know." Shepard continued. "For all we know these could be our last days alive and there's no point spending them in regret if all it took was one conversation." Shepard's voice lowered to a hush. "Give it a chance." Miranda felt the weight of Shepard's words and thought of what she might miss if she didn't talk to Jack.

"I will Shepard"


	5. Forgive

Forgiveness

Jack woke up in and unfamiliar place. She panicked for a moment until last night memories came back to her. She looked over to find Shepard had already left. She was grateful in a way because she felt like an idiot for crying. The table had a note and a plate of food. Jack took a hold of the note and scanned it over.

_'Sorry I had to take care of some things and I thought you could use the extra sleep. I didn't know what you liked so I grabbed a bit of everything. Make yourself at home. Shepard'_

Jack smiled at the note and felt warmth spread through her. She was surprised that Shepard had left her alone in the cabin if she knew that she had stolen, as well as many other things. Jack found herself caring deeply for Shepard . Jack glanced around the cabin curious to find many books in Shepard's room. The model ships were also a surprise and Jack was tempted to take them out and play with them. She decided against it not wanting to lose Shepard's trust so quickly.

Once she finished breakfast she went back down to the engineer floor. She was well rested for the first time in years and thought she might do a little reading on something other than Cerberus.

Jack wasn't expecting to find Miranda down in her room sitting on her bed. She felt infuriated that Miranda thought she could just come into her space after hurting her so bad. Miranda stood up quickly when she saw Jack.

"You lost Cheerleader? Doors over there" Jack spat out quickly folding her arms across her chest.

Miranda bit her tongue knowing Jack was still wounded. "Jack will you let me explain please" Miranda pleaded stepping towards Jack who jutted out her chin angrily in response.

"What's there to explain? How fucked up I am and how perfect you are? Or did Barbie already forget what she said?" Jack taunted.

"Okay I deserve that I suppose." Miranda sighed rubbing her face. She tried desperately to keep her emotions under control.

"Oh you suppose do you." Jack mocked. "Fuck off" Jack came forward pointing her finger in Miranda's chest. "You don't get to come down here and act like you're better than me. I've had enough of your stuck up bullshit… get out" Jack snarled turning away from Miranda.

"Jack! I'm sorry alright" Miranda shouted and Jack stopped and turned back around at a loss for words. "I didn't mean to say that you were a mistake. You aren't. Cerberus was the only mistake through all that and none of it should ever have happened to you." Miranda paused looking for a reaction in Jack who was dead silent but watching carefully. "I wasn't thinking clearly when we it came up, I don't think clear around you" Miranda laughed nervously and Jack raised her eyes brows confused. Miranda ran a hand through her hair. "I care for you Jack, I can't bear that I've hurt you." Miranda confessed quietly. "I'm sorry"

Jack was looking hard for any signs of deception and not finding any. She debated giving Miranda another chance but didn't want to get hurt again. Jack stepped closer searching Miranda's face. Miranda's breathing sped up under Jacks stare. Jack observed she had tears in her eyes and looked afraid. Why was she afraid? "You mean that?" Jack asked.

"Yes" Miranda replied.

"You're not fucking with me" Jack demanded

"No Jack"

Jack reached a hand up to touch Miranda's tear-stained cheek. "How much do you care?" she asked boldly. Miranda pressed her face into Jacks hand. This was it; Jack would reject her or accept her.

"Jack…you must know, you terrify me because I care so much" She whispered.

Jack didn't hesitate to pull Miranda in for a kiss and Miranda response to her with a satisfied whimper. Miranda was startled when she found herself off the ground and carried over to a wall. Jacks strength impressed Miranda. She wrapped her arms around Jacks neck for stability. Jack kissed expertly down to Miranda's collarbone then back up to her lips. "Jack" Miranda whimpered out in her bliss and Jack growled in response. Their kisses had gotten more and more heated when they were suddenly interrupted.

"Commander Shepard has requested the team upstairs in the debriefing room" EDI'S Voice came through the intercom. Jack nearly dropped Miranda from surprise.

"Fuck EDI you're such a cock block" Jack groaned placing Miranda down. Miranda just chuckles and blushed as Jack checked her out. Miranda keeps her arms around Jack.

"I guess we can continue this after" Miranda asked shyly. Jack nodded biting her bottom lip. Miranda leaned in giving a soft kiss to remove any worry. "We should go up before we are the last two there" Miranda suggested and Jack frowned.

"You embarrassed?" Jack questioned sharply taking a step back. Miranda sighed at Jacks defenses going up.

"No Jack, I just don't want everyone involved when we haven't even sorted this out ourselves" Miranda replies honestly. Jack thought for a moment and nodded

"All right let's go"


End file.
